Sunday, January 23, 2011

WHAT OPAL MIGHT SAY

I HAVE THIS NEW FRIEND, SHE'S A SWEET ELDERLY WOMAN (like me-the elderly part :) BUT A BIT OF A CYNIC--AND OFTEN FUNNY.  SHE SPENDS MOST OF HER TIME IN A WHEEL CHAIR IN HER APARTMENT OR IN THE LOBBY AFFLICTING CYNICISM ON HER PEERS.  SHE REMINDS ME OF "MARGE" THE COMIC CHARACTER, NOT IN LOOKS--IN ATTITUDE. THE FOLLOWING LIST OF "I'VE LEARNED" STATEMENTS ARE FOLLOWED BY--WHAT OPAL MIGHT SAY:


WHAT I'VE LEARNED!


1.   No matter what happens, or how it seems today, life goes on, and tomorrow is another day!   


WOMS: "YEAH! AND THEN TOMORROW COMES!"


2.   Regardless of how you got along with your relatives, you'll miss them when they're gone!

WOMS: "H***!  I DIDN'T MISS THEM WHEN THEY WERE HERE!"


3.   Making a "living" is not the same as making a "life."!


WOMS: "YEAH, BUT IT SURE IS EASIER TO MAKE A "LIFE" IF YOU'RE "MAKING A LIVING"!"


4.   Sometimes you get a second chance!

WOMS: "DUH! YOU WOULDN'T NEED A SECOND CHANCE IF YOU GOT ONE THE FIRST TIME AROUND!"


5.   You don't have to go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands,  You need to be able to throw something back!

WOMS: "HMMMM--LIKE ALL THOSE LEMONS SOME IDIOT TOLD YOU TO MAKE LEMONADE WITH!"


6.   Whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decisions!

 WOMS: "I ONCE SAID THAT TOO--RIGHT BEFORE I GOT MARRIED!"


7.   Even if I'm in pain--I don't have to be one!

"WOMS: THEN DAMMIT, GIVE ME SOMETHING FOR THE PAIN!"


8.   People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back!

WOMS: "NEVER-MIND THE HUGS AND THE PATS--SHOW ME THE MONEY!"


9.   People will forget what you said, they will forget what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel!


WOMS: "ESPECIALLY IF YOU MADE THEM FEEL LIKE "BULL-PUCKEY"!  ME--NOT ONLY WOULD I NOT FORGET HOW THEY MADE ME FEEL, THERE'S NO WAY IN H*** I WOULD  FORGET WHAT THEY SAID OR WHAT THEY DID--THAT'S JUST THE WAY I AM!!


10.  Every day you should reach out and touch someone!


WOMS: "TOO FRIENDLY COULD BE DEADLY--YOU COULD GET THE S*** KICKED OUT OF YOU!"


11.  You can tell a lot about a person by how he/she handles a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights!


WOMS: 
a. "IF YOU FORGOT YOUR UMBRELLA AND GALOSHES--YOU'RE A DUMMY; 


b. IF YOU TEAR YOUR HAIR OUT IN ANGER GOOF-BALL--YOU MIGHT GO BALD;


c. YOU WON'T NEED LIGHTS IF YOU GO GREEN AND SAVE A TREE--YOU COULD ALSO SAVE YOUR SANITY, AND YOUR FAMILY MIGHT EVEN THINK YOU'RE A HERO. DON'T COUNT ON IT THOUGH--IT DIDN'T WORK FOR ME!"


Well--there you have Opal in a nutshell.  I have one more thing that I have learned:


I still have a lot to learn!  Hmmmm, I wonder what Opal might say!






GOD BLESS! SEE YOU NEXT TIME!!