Monday, January 24, 2011

AGE AIN'T NOTHIN' BUT A NUMBER

AGE AIN'T NOTHIN' BUT A NUMBER. (it says here in fine print).


1.    AGE DOESN'T MATTER UNLESS YOU'RE A FINE WINE--OR CHEESE.


2.    AN OLD TIMER  REMEMBERS WHEN A NAUGHTY CHILD WAS TAKEN TO THE WOODSHED INSTEAD OF A PSYCHIATRIST.


3.    TIME AND TIDE WAIT FOR NO MAN--BUT TIME WILL WAIT FOR A YOUNG WOMAN.


4.    OLD AGE IS THE BEST TIME FOR OUTRAGE--I PLAN TO SAY ONE OUTRAGEOUS THING AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK.


5.    INSIDE EVERY 80-YEAR OLD IS A 40-YEAR OLD ASKING, "WHAT HAPPENED?"


6.    YOU DON'T STOP LOVING BECAUSE YOU GROW OLD--YOU GROW OLD BECAUSE YOU STOP LOVING.


7.    BE NICE TO YOUR KIDS--THEY WILL MOST LIKELY CHOOSE YOUR REST HOME.


8.    FROM BIRTH TO AGE-18 A GIRL NEEDS GOOD PARENTS, FROM AGE-18 TO 35 SHE NEEDS GOOD LOOKS, FROM AGE-35 TO 55 SHE NEEDS A GOOD PERSONALITY, FROM AGE-55 ON SHE NEEDS GOOD CASH.


9.    RETIREMENT SOUNDS GREAT--LET'S FACE IT--YOU CAN ONLY SUCK IN YOUR STOMACH FOR SO LONG.


10.  NO-ONE MERELY GROWS OLD CHRONOLOGICALLY--ONE GROWS OLD BY DESERTING IDEALS AND GOALS. 


11.  YEARS AND THE SUN MAY WRINKLE THE SKIN--TO GIVE UP ON LIFE WRINKLES THE SOUL.


12.  OLD AGE IS ALWAYS 15-YEARS OLDER THAN I AM.


13.  THEY SAY THERE IS NO FOOL LIKE AN OLD FOOL--EXCEPT A YOUNG FOOL. BUT THE YOUNG FOOL FIRST HAS TO GROW UP TO BE AN OLD FOOL TO REALIZE WHAT A DAMN FOOL HE WAS WHEN HE WAS A YOUNG FOOL.


14.  THE SECRET TO STAYING YOUNG IS EAT SLOWLY, BE HONEST, AND LIE ABOUT YOUR AGE.


15.  YOU ARE ONLY YOUNG ONCE--BUT, YOU CAN BE IMMATURE ALL YOUR LIFE.


16.  OLD AGE HAS NO ROOM FOR SISSIES.


17.  IF YOU CAN'T STAY HEALTHY--FIND A SICKNESS YOU LIKE.


18.  THE PROBLEM WITH HAVING CLASS REUNIONS IS--THAT "OLD FLAMES" HAVE BECOME EVEN OLDER--AND BURNT OUT.


19.  I USED TO WORRY ABOUT GETTING OLD BECAUSE I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO DO WHAT I WANTED TO--NOW I  DON'T WANT TO.


20.  IF YOU'RE A SENIOR CITIZEN, LEARN TO LAUGH AT YOURSELF--EVERYONE ELSE DOES.


REMEMBER GOD LOVES LAUGHTER, AND OLD PEOPLE TOO.  LAUGHTER DOESN'T REQUIRE TEETH.


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


GOD BLESS!  SEE YOU NEXT TIME!!