Sunday, January 30, 2011

QUICK QUOTES FROM FAMOUS FRIENDS

HERE IS A LIST OF QUOTES FROM SOME FAMOUS AND NOT SO FAMOUS FRIENDS!

MY FAVORITE QUOTE FOR TODAY:

ANGER DWELLS ONLY IN THE BOSOM OF FOOLS.
--ALBERT EINSTEIN


1. THE GREATEST GLORY IN LIVING LIES NOT IN NEVER FALLING--BUT IN RISING EVERY TIME WE FALL.
--NELSON MANDELA

2. YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR FATE. YOU CAN SIT BACK--OR YOU CAN GO AFTER YOUR LIFE AND ALL THAT YOU WANT TO BE.
--HILARY SWANK

3. WHEN WE KNOW BETTER--WE DO BETTER.
--MAYA ANGELOU

4. LIFE IS EITHER A DARING ADVENTURE--OR NOTHING.
--HELEN KELLER

5. FROM NOW ON WE LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE MAN HAS WALKED ON THE MOON. IT'S NOT A MIRACLE--WE JUST DECIDED TO GO.
--TOM HANKS

6. THERE IS NOTHING SO EASY AS EXPERIENCE--AND NOTHING SO HARD TO APPLY.
--JOSH BILLINGS

7. IF YOU CAN COUNT YOUR MONEY--YOU DON'T HAVE A BILLION DOLLARS.
J.PAUL GETTY

8. ABOUT THE TIME WE MAKE ENDS MEET--SOMEBODY MOVES THE ENDS.
--HERBERT HOOVER

9. INSTEAD OF GIVING A POLITICIAN THE KEYS TO THE CITY--IT MIGHT BE BETTER TO CHANGE THE LOCKS.
--DOUG LARSEN

10. MIDDLE AGE IS WHEN YOUR AGE STARTS TO SHOW AROUND YOUR MIDDLE.
--BOB HOPE

11. THE ENEMY IS ANYBODY WHO IS GOING TO GET YOU KILLED--NO MATTER WHICH SIDE HE'S ON.
--JOSEPH HELLER

12. ALWAYS END THE NAME OF YOUR CHILD WITH A VOWEL, SO THAT WHEN YOU YELL--THE NAME WILL CARRY.
--BILL COSBY

13. I LOVE BEING MARRIED--IT'S SO GREAT TO FIND THAT ONE SPECIAL PERSON YOU WANT TO ANNOY THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
--RITA RUDNER

14. HEALTH NUTS ARE GOING TO FEEL STUPID SOMEDAY--LYING IN HOSPITALS DYING.
--REDD FOXX


THE REMAINDER OF MY LIST FOLLOWS TOMORROW!

GOD BLESS! SEE YOU NEXT TIME!!

Saturday, January 29, 2011

SSHHH--SECRETS TO A HAPPY RELATIONSHIP--OR NOT!

I AM NOT AN EXPERT ON THIS SUBJECT. I LEAVE IT TO THOSE WHO ARE--AS WELL AS THE PEOPLE I KNOW WHOSE RELATIONSHIPS HAVE STOOD THE TESTS OF LONGEVITY.

FOR EXAMPLE: MY YOUNGER BROTHER AND HIS LOVELY WIFE WERE HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEARTS--STARTED GOING TOGETHER WHEN THEY WERE YOUNG TEEN-AGERS. AFTER GRADUATING THEY GOT MARRIED, PARENTED THREE BOYS AND NOW HAVE SEVERAL GRANDCHILDREN.

JOKINGLY, I ASKED MY SISTER-IN-LAW, "HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO STAY MARRIED TO MY BROTHER THIS LONG?"

SHE LAUGHED AND TOLD ME THAT IT HADN'T BEEN EASY, AND THAT THEY HAD SEPARATED A COUPLE OF TIMES BEFORE THEY FINALLY GOT IT TOGETHER. SHE SAID, "WHEN WE WENT BACK TOGETHER THE LAST TIME WE MADE A PACT."

I ASKED, "AND WHAT WAS THAT?"

SHE SAID, "WE MADE A VOW THAT WE WOULD NEVER EXPECT ANYTHING OUT OF THE OTHER--EXCEPT FIDELITY."

THEY HAVE BEEN HAPPILY MARRIED FOR NEARLY FORTY-FIVE YEARS. I SAY, "WAY TO GO BRO'".
*******

ACCORDING TO THE "EXPERTS", THERE ARE A NUMBER OF THINGS YOU CAN DO TO GROW AND KEEP THE GLOW IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP:

1. CHEER EACH OTHER UP!

BE EACH OTHERS "CHEERLEADER". LET YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT THEM ON A REGULAR BASIS. BE SUPPORTIVE. USE KIND WORDS. PRAISE WORKS WONDERS.

MY OLD GRANNY USED TO SAY, "YOU CAN CATCH MORE BEES WITH HONEY THAN YOU CAN WITH VINEGAR." MEANING--THE NICER YOU ARE THE BETTER CHANCE YOU HAVE OF "CATCHING".

PIERCE J. HOWARD,Ph.D AUTHOR OF "THE OWNER'S MANUAL FOR THE BRAIN", SAYS THAT THE CHEERLEADER STYLE METHOD PACKS A POWERFUL BRAIN PUNCH AND IT'S MORE EMOTIONAL. IT GIVES BOTH PARTIES A BIG SURGE OF "FEEL GOOD" ENDORPHINS, COUPLED WITH OXYTOCIN--A HORMONAL BONDING AGENT. SO THE NEXT TIME YOU WANT TO SCORE POINTS--WHISPER "SWEET NOTHINGS" THAT ARE MEANINGFUL.

LADIES, IF YOUR GUY DID THE DISHES--TELL HIM, "THAT WAS SO THOUGHTFUL OF YOU HONEY--THANK YOU." AND GUYS, LET HER KNOW HOW WONDERFUL DINNER WAS, OR HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THE WAY SHE GREETS YOU WHEN YOU COME HOME FROM WORK.

YOU GET THE MESSAGE--DONTCHA?

2. GO ON A DATE!

SCOTT HALTZMAN, M.D., AUTHOR OF "THE SECRETS OF HAPPILY MARRIED WOMEN" SAYS,
"DOING NEW THINGS STIMULATES PRODUCTION OF THE ATTRACTION HORMONE DOPAMINE--AND WHEN DOING THEM TOGETHER, YOU ASSOCIATE THE RESULTING 'HIGH' WITH EACH OTHER!"

TRY NOT TO MAKE THE "SAME OL' SAME OL'" DINNER AND A MOVIE TYPE DATE--ALTHOUGH IF NOTHING ELSE--THAT'S OKAY. GET CREATIVE, HAVE A PICNIC IN THE BACKYARD, OR IF IT'S COLD, IN FRONT OF THE FIREPLACE. MAKE SURE THE KIDS ARE AT GRANDMA'S OR THE BABY SITTERS.

HOW ABOUT SALSA, OR LINE DANCING. YOU COULD GO BOWLING, OR ICE, OR ROLLER SKATING IF YOU HAVEN'T DONE THAT BEFORE--OR EVEN IF YOU HAVE--IT COULD BE FUN--AND FUN IS WHAT WE'RE GOING FOR HERE. HOW ABOUT COFFEE AND DESSERT AT A COZY RESTAURANT AFTERWARD AND HOLD HANDS.

IN OTHER WORDS--KEEP THE "SWEETNESS" IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP SO THAT BOTH OF YOU CAN ALWAYS SAY, "HOW SWEET IT IS!"

3. IT'S OKAY TO FIGHT!

YOU SHOW ME COUPLES WHO NEVER ARGUE, AND I'LL SHOW YOU TWO VERY BORING ROBOTS--OR A COUPLE OF DEADBEATS.

I'M NOT TALKING "KNOCK-DOWN, DRAG-OUTS".

I'M SURE THAT THE MAJORITY OF US WOULD LIKE TO HAVE CALM, PEACEFUL, LOVING RELATIONSHIPS--MOST OF THE TIME.

LET'S FACE IT--IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN.

ACCORDING TO ABDUL-BAHA, SON OF THE PROPHET-FOUNDER OF THE BAHA'I FAITH,
"ANGER CONSUMETH THE LIVER."

KEEPING RESENTMENTS BOTTLED UP INSIDE CAN, AND DOES CAUSE MYRIAD HEALTH PROBLEMS.

WE'RE NOT ADVOCATING TAKING YOUR ANGER OR HURT FEELINGS OUT ON OTHERS BY VERBALLY OR PHYSICALLY ABUSING THEM.

HOWEVER, ERNEST HARBURG,Ph.D, ONE OF THOSE EXPERTS SAYS "IF YOU BURY YOUR ANGER AND BROOD ON IT, USUALLY YOU RESENT THE PERSON WHO CAUSED IT, AND YOU DON'T TRY TO RESOLVE THE PROBLEM."

HE WAS PART OF A STUDY AT THE UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN. RESEARCHERS LOOKED AT HUNDREDS OF MARRIED COUPLES OVER A SEVENTEEN YEAR TIME SPAN AND FOUND THAT THOSE WHO EXPRESSED THEIR ANGER IN SOME WAY WERE HAPPIER, HEALTHIER AND LIVED A LOT LONGER.

WHEN YOU HEAR THE BELL--SHAKE HANDS, LACE UP THOSE GLOVES AND COME OUT--WELL--YOU KNOW! AS LONG AS YOU FIGHT FAIR, YOU'LL BOTH WIN IN THE END!!

4. SPEND SOME ALONE TIME!

I'M ASSUMING YOU'RE NOT SIAMESE TWINS (WELL YOU COULD BE, BUT IF YOU ARE NOT), YOU AREN'T "JOINED AT THE HIP" AS THEY SAY. IT'S EASY TO GET BORED ON OCCASION. PLAN SOME TIME DOING OTHER THINGS THAT INTEREST YOU. TAKE UP A HOBBY OR GO BACK TO SCHOOL IF IT'S FEASIBLE.

MY ELDEST DAUGHTER TOOK UP DIGITAL SCRAPBOOKING--IT TURNED INTO A BUSINESS, WHICH MEANS SHE SPENDS A LOT OF TIME ON THE COMPUTER. WHILE SHE IS COMPUTING HER SWEETIE READS, OR DOES HIS OWN THING. THEY BOTH HAVE LARGE FAMILIES AND GO TO GATHERINGS TOGETHER OFTEN.

ONE OF MY SONS IS A GOLF NUT--IT IS HIS METHOD OF DE-STRESSING. MY DAUGHTER-IN-LAW HAS HER ALONE TIME AS WELL, AND QUITE OFTEN SHE AND THE KIDS JOIN HIM ON THE GOLF COURSE. THEY HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR NEARLY TWENTY-FIVE YEARS.

NANCY O'REILLY, Psy.D, SAYS, "BEING APART FOR A BIT GIVES YOU BOTH SOMETHING INTERESTING TO TALK ABOUT LATER. BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, FEELING LIKE YOU HAVE UNIQUE TALENTS AND HOBBIES MAKES YOU FEEL MORE VALUED, WHICH LEADS TO GREATER SELF-ESTEEM, WHICH ALMOST ALWAYS LEADS TO HAPPIER RELATIONSHIPS."

WHETHER YOU "FORE" PLAY ON THE GOLF COURSE, OR "ROAR" RACE CARS OR RIDE A GREAT HORSE; PURL ONE KNITTING SHAWLS, OR HAVE FUN PAINTING WALLS.
WHATEVER YOU CHOOSE--ENJOY YOUR "ALONE TIMES" AND I'LL QUIT WITH THE SILLY RHYMES.

GRETA GARBO ONCE SAID, "AY VANT TO BE ALONE." AND SHE WASN'T EVEN MARRIED!

GOD BLESS! SEE YOU NEXT TIME!!

Friday, January 28, 2011

MORE FUNNY STUFF #3

HERE WE GO AGAIN:

25. A DAY WITHOUT SUNSHINE--IS LIKE NIGHT.

26. I HAVE KLEPTOMANIA--BUT WHEN IT GETS BAD--I TAKE SOMETHING FOR IT.

27. IF MARRIAGE WERE OUTLAWED--ONLY OUTLAWS WOULD HAVE IN-LAWS.

28. I AM NOT A PERFECTIONIST--MY PARENTS WERE THOUGH.

29. LIFE IS AN ENDLESS STRUGGLE,FULL OF FRUSTRATIONS AND CHALLENGES--BUT EVENTUALLY WE FIND A HAIR STYLIST WE LIKE.

30. WE KNOW WE'RE GETTING OLD WHEN WE GET THE SAME SENSATION FROM A ROCKING CHAIR THAT WE ONCE GOT FROM A ROLLER COASTER.

31. ONE OF LIFE'S MYSTERIES--HOW A TWO LB. BOX OF CHOCOLATES CAN MAKE A WOMAN GAIN 5LBS..?

32. IT'S FRUSTRATING WHEN WE KNOW ALL THE ANSWERS--BUT NOBODY BOTHERS TO ASK US THE QUESTIONS.

33. THE REAL ART OF CONVERSATION--NOT ONLY TO SAY THE RIGHT THING AT THE RIGHT TIME, BUT TO LEAVE UNSAID THE WRONG THING AT A TEMPTING MOMENT.

34. BRAIN CELLS COME AND BRAIN CELLS GO--FAT CELLS LIVE FOREVER!

35. AGE DOESN'T ALWAYS BRING WISDOM--SOMETIMES AGE COMES ALONE.

36. LIFE NOT ONLY BEGINS AT FORTY--IT BEGINS TO SHOW!


AND ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT WE DON'T STOP LAUGHING BECAUSE WE GROW OLD--WE GROW OLD BECAUSE WE STOP LAUGHING!!

GOD BLESS! SEE YOU NEXT TIME!!

Thursday, January 27, 2011

LUXURY HAS BEEN UPDATED

I WAS VISITING WITH MY PEERS IN THE LOBBY OF THE SENIOR APARTMENT BUILDING WHERE I LIVE. WE WERE DISCUSSING THE RECENT CUT-BACKS IN PROGRAMS HERE IN CALIFORNIA THAT AFFECT ALL OF US. I LAUGHED AND SAID, "WELL AT LEAST THE GOVERNOR STARTED FROM THE TOP DOWN THIS TIME INSTEAD OF THE OTHER WAY AROUND."

SOMEONE ELSE LAUGHED AND SAID, "YEAH! HE DIDN'T DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY--NO INAUGURAL BALL!"

THEN I SAID, "I AM NOT DEFENDING HIM FOR CUTBACKS THAT DIRELY AFFECT THE SICK, DISABLED, HOMELESS, HELPLESS AND CHILDREN--BUT, I AM COMMENDING HIM FOR AT LEAST STARTING WITH HIS OWN HOUSE. HE SUPPOSEDLY CUT OUT--OR BACK, SOME OF HIS HIGH-SALARIED PEOPLE WHOSE JOBS WERE NOT AS NECESSARY AS OTHERS--OR, SO SAY THE MEDIA.

EVERYONE OF US WHO LIVE HERE ARE GOING THROUGH SOME KIND OF HEALTH RELATED OR FINANCIAL CRISES. OUR CHILDREN ARE UNABLE TO HELP US BECAUSE THEY ALL FEEL THE "CRUNCH" AS WELL.

I WAS BORN JUST BEFORE THE INFAMOUS "CRASH OF '29" AND I GREW UP UNDER THE "ROOSEVELT ADMINISTRATION". TIMES WERE TOUGH THEN AND THEY ARE TOUGH NOW. HOWEVER--WAAAAY BACK IN THE DAY, THERE WASN'T A TV (NOW CALLED TIVO) IN EVERY HOUSE--IN FACT THERE WERE NONE WHEN I WAS GROWING UP. NO ONE HAD THE LUXURY OF A "CELL" PHONE--WE WERE LUCKY IF WE HAD A TELEPHONE. THOSE WHO HAD THEM WERE USUALLY BUSINESSES OR FOLKS WHO WERE "WELL OFF". WI-FI, MP3 PLAYERS, KINECT, I-PADS, OR OTHER TECHIE PRODUCTS PROBABLY WERE NOT EVEN THOUGHT OF YET. SOME FOLKS DID HAVE RADIOS AND TYPEWRITERS.

IN THE LATE 60'S AND EARLY 70'S, I PECKED AWAY ON AN OLD FASHIONED TYPEWRITER UNTIL MY BOSS AT THE NEWSPAPER WHERE I WAS OFFICE MANAGER BROUGHT IN A BRAND NEW I.B.M SELECTRIC, AND--VROOOM, THE SON-OF-GUN ALMOST TOOK OFF WITH ME. THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWO WAS LIKE FLYING IN A TWO-SEATER CESSNA AS OPPOSED TO A JET FIGHTER. IT TOOK A WHILE TO GET USED TO, BUT EVENTUALLY I LEARNED TO APPRECIATE THE SPEED.

MY FRUSTRATION WITH TECHNOLOGY NOW IS THAT I JUST GET USED TO A PROCEDURE,(FOR INSTANCE ON MY COMPUTER), AND WHAM! I HAVE TO LEARN SOMETHING NEW. YOU'VE HEARD THE OLD ADAGE, "THE OLD GRAY MARE SHE AIN'T WHAT SHE USED TO BE?" WELL--THAT BE ME!

MEANWHILE BACK AT THE LOBBY I EYED A GLOSSY ARCHITECTURAL MAGAZINE AND WAS SCANNING THROUGH IT WHEN I CAME UPON THE FOLLOWING WORDS IN AN AD THAT STATED: "LUXURY HAS BEEN UPDATED". I SHOWED IT TO MY FRIENDS. ONE OF THEM LAUGHED AND SAID, "YEAH AND US UN-LUXURIOUS FOLKS HAVE BEEN DOWNGRADED."

"OH WELL! AT LEAST WE'VE KEPT OUR SENSE OF HUMOR! :):)

GOD BLESS! SEE YOU NEXT TIME!!

MORE REALLY FUNNY STUFF #2

13. I DON'T MIND GOING NO-WHERE--AS LONG AS IT'S AN INTERESTING PATH.

14. ANYTHING FREE IS WORTH WHAT YOU PAY FOR IT.

15. IT HURTS TO BE ON THE CUTTING EDGE!

16. I DON'T GET EVEN--I GET ODDER!

17. IN JUST TWO DAYS--TOMORROW WILL BE--YESTERDAY!

18. IF IT AIN'T BROKE--FIX IT 'TIL IT IS!

19. I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A PROCRASTINATOR--NEVER GOT AROUND TO IT.

20. DIJON-VU--THE SAME MUSTARD IT WAS BEFORE.

21. I AM HAVING AN OUT OF MONEY EXPERIENCE!

22. I AM NOT AFRAID OF HEIGHTS--JUST WIDTHS!

23. I AM IN SHAPE--ROUND IS A SHAPE--ISN'T IT?

24. ALWAYS PRACTICE SAFE EATING--USE CONDIMENTS!


BY THE WAY--HAS ANYBODY FOUND OUT WHAT A ROUND TUIT IS?

GOD BLESS! SEE YOU NEXT TIME!!

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

SOME MORE FUNNY STUFF--REALLY FUNNY STUFF

GOD KEEPS PUTTING THIS FUNNY STUFF IN MY LAP. I GUESS HE WANTS US TO LAUGH MORE THAN WE DO.

THIS LIST OF BELLY-LAUGH BANTER CAME VIA WILLY OUR LANDLORD.

THIS TIME I HAVE A LONG LIST OF AMUSING MAXIMS--YOU WILL RECEIVE THEM THREE DAYS IN A ROW:


1. NEVER BE AFRAID TO TRY SOMETHING NEW. REMEMBER, AMATEURS BUILT THE ARK! PRO'S BUILT THE "TITANIC."


2 YOUR CONSCIENCE IS WHAT HURTS WHEN EVERYTHING ELSE FEELS SOOOO GOOD!

3. TALK IS CHEAP--BECAUSE SUPPLY EXCEEDS DEMAND.

4. STUPIDITY GOT US INTO THIS MESS--HOW COME IT CAN'T GET US OUT?

5. LOVE IS GRAND! DIVORCE IS--ONE-HUNDRED GRAND!

6. EVEN IF YOU ARE ON THE RIGHT TRACK--YOU'LL GET RUN OVER IF YOU JUST SIT THERE!

7. POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS HAVE ONE THING IN COMMON--THEY SHOULD BE CHANGED REGULARLY AND FOR
THE SAME REASON.

8. AN OPTIMIST THINKS THAT THIS IS THE BEST POSSIBLE WORLD.

9. A PESSIMIST FEARS THAT IT'S TRUE.

10. THERE IS ALWAYS DEATH AND TAXES--HOWEVER DEATH DOESN'T GET WORSE EVERY YEAR.

11. PEOPLE WILL ACCEPT YOUR IDEAS MUCH QUICKER IF YOU SAY,"BENJAMIN FRANKLIN
SAID IT FIRST."

12. IT'S EASIER TO FIGHT FOR ONE'S PRINCIPLES THAN IT IS TO LIVE UP TO THEM.



I WAS LAUGHING SO HARD I COULD BARELY GET THROUGH THE LIST. IF YOU'RE REALLY GOOD AND LAUGH A LOT AND LEAVE ME SOME COMMENTS--I'LL GIVE YOU THE SECOND LIST TOMORROW WHICH WILL BE YESTERDAY--THE DAY AFTER. LOL

GOD BLESS! SEE YOU NEXT TIME!!

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

CHILDREN ARE THE FUTURE

IF WE RESPECT OUR CHILDREN, THEY ARE MORE APT TO RESPECT US. 
THE FOLLOWING ARE A GOOD SET OF EXAMPLES TO RAISE THEM BY:


IF A CHILD LIVES WITH CRITICISM, 
   HE LEARNS TO CONDEMN.


IF A CHILD LIVES WITH HOSTILITY, 
   HE LEARNS TO FIGHT.


IF A CHILD LIVES WITH RIDICULE,   
   HE LEARNS TO BE SHARP.


IF A CHILD LIVES WITH SHAME,
   HE LEARNS TO FEEL GUILTY.


IF A CHILD LIVES WITH TOLERANCE, 
   HE LEARNS TO BE PATIENT.


IF A CHILD LIVES WITH ENCOURAGEMENT 
   HE LEARNS TO BE CONFIDENT.


IF A CHILD LIVES WITH PRAISE, 
   HE LEARNS TO APPRECIATE.


IF A CHILD LIVES WITH FAIRNESS, 
   HE LEARNS JUSTICE.


IF A CHILD LIVES WITH SECURITY,
   HE LEARNS TO HAVE FAITH.


IF A CHILD LIVES WITH APPROVAL, 
   HE LEARNS TO LIKE HIMSELF.


IF HE LIVES WITH ACCEPTANCE AND FRIENDSHIP, 
   HE LEARNS TO FIND LOVE AND WARMTH.


___DOROTHY LAW NOLTE


GOD BLESS!  SEE YOU NEXT TIME!!




Monday, January 24, 2011

AGE AIN'T NOTHIN' BUT A NUMBER

AGE AIN'T NOTHIN' BUT A NUMBER. (it says here in fine print).


1.    AGE DOESN'T MATTER UNLESS YOU'RE A FINE WINE--OR CHEESE.


2.    AN OLD TIMER  REMEMBERS WHEN A NAUGHTY CHILD WAS TAKEN TO THE WOODSHED INSTEAD OF A PSYCHIATRIST.


3.    TIME AND TIDE WAIT FOR NO MAN--BUT TIME WILL WAIT FOR A YOUNG WOMAN.


4.    OLD AGE IS THE BEST TIME FOR OUTRAGE--I PLAN TO SAY ONE OUTRAGEOUS THING AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK.


5.    INSIDE EVERY 80-YEAR OLD IS A 40-YEAR OLD ASKING, "WHAT HAPPENED?"


6.    YOU DON'T STOP LOVING BECAUSE YOU GROW OLD--YOU GROW OLD BECAUSE YOU STOP LOVING.


7.    BE NICE TO YOUR KIDS--THEY WILL MOST LIKELY CHOOSE YOUR REST HOME.


8.    FROM BIRTH TO AGE-18 A GIRL NEEDS GOOD PARENTS, FROM AGE-18 TO 35 SHE NEEDS GOOD LOOKS, FROM AGE-35 TO 55 SHE NEEDS A GOOD PERSONALITY, FROM AGE-55 ON SHE NEEDS GOOD CASH.


9.    RETIREMENT SOUNDS GREAT--LET'S FACE IT--YOU CAN ONLY SUCK IN YOUR STOMACH FOR SO LONG.


10.  NO-ONE MERELY GROWS OLD CHRONOLOGICALLY--ONE GROWS OLD BY DESERTING IDEALS AND GOALS. 


11.  YEARS AND THE SUN MAY WRINKLE THE SKIN--TO GIVE UP ON LIFE WRINKLES THE SOUL.


12.  OLD AGE IS ALWAYS 15-YEARS OLDER THAN I AM.


13.  THEY SAY THERE IS NO FOOL LIKE AN OLD FOOL--EXCEPT A YOUNG FOOL. BUT THE YOUNG FOOL FIRST HAS TO GROW UP TO BE AN OLD FOOL TO REALIZE WHAT A DAMN FOOL HE WAS WHEN HE WAS A YOUNG FOOL.


14.  THE SECRET TO STAYING YOUNG IS EAT SLOWLY, BE HONEST, AND LIE ABOUT YOUR AGE.


15.  YOU ARE ONLY YOUNG ONCE--BUT, YOU CAN BE IMMATURE ALL YOUR LIFE.


16.  OLD AGE HAS NO ROOM FOR SISSIES.


17.  IF YOU CAN'T STAY HEALTHY--FIND A SICKNESS YOU LIKE.


18.  THE PROBLEM WITH HAVING CLASS REUNIONS IS--THAT "OLD FLAMES" HAVE BECOME EVEN OLDER--AND BURNT OUT.


19.  I USED TO WORRY ABOUT GETTING OLD BECAUSE I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO DO WHAT I WANTED TO--NOW I  DON'T WANT TO.


20.  IF YOU'RE A SENIOR CITIZEN, LEARN TO LAUGH AT YOURSELF--EVERYONE ELSE DOES.


REMEMBER GOD LOVES LAUGHTER, AND OLD PEOPLE TOO.  LAUGHTER DOESN'T REQUIRE TEETH.


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


GOD BLESS!  SEE YOU NEXT TIME!!

Sunday, January 23, 2011

WHAT OPAL MIGHT SAY

I HAVE THIS NEW FRIEND, SHE'S A SWEET ELDERLY WOMAN (like me-the elderly part :) BUT A BIT OF A CYNIC--AND OFTEN FUNNY.  SHE SPENDS MOST OF HER TIME IN A WHEEL CHAIR IN HER APARTMENT OR IN THE LOBBY AFFLICTING CYNICISM ON HER PEERS.  SHE REMINDS ME OF "MARGE" THE COMIC CHARACTER, NOT IN LOOKS--IN ATTITUDE. THE FOLLOWING LIST OF "I'VE LEARNED" STATEMENTS ARE FOLLOWED BY--WHAT OPAL MIGHT SAY:


WHAT I'VE LEARNED!


1.   No matter what happens, or how it seems today, life goes on, and tomorrow is another day!   


WOMS: "YEAH! AND THEN TOMORROW COMES!"


2.   Regardless of how you got along with your relatives, you'll miss them when they're gone!

WOMS: "H***!  I DIDN'T MISS THEM WHEN THEY WERE HERE!"


3.   Making a "living" is not the same as making a "life."!


WOMS: "YEAH, BUT IT SURE IS EASIER TO MAKE A "LIFE" IF YOU'RE "MAKING A LIVING"!"


4.   Sometimes you get a second chance!

WOMS: "DUH! YOU WOULDN'T NEED A SECOND CHANCE IF YOU GOT ONE THE FIRST TIME AROUND!"


5.   You don't have to go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands,  You need to be able to throw something back!

WOMS: "HMMMM--LIKE ALL THOSE LEMONS SOME IDIOT TOLD YOU TO MAKE LEMONADE WITH!"


6.   Whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decisions!

 WOMS: "I ONCE SAID THAT TOO--RIGHT BEFORE I GOT MARRIED!"


7.   Even if I'm in pain--I don't have to be one!

"WOMS: THEN DAMMIT, GIVE ME SOMETHING FOR THE PAIN!"


8.   People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back!

WOMS: "NEVER-MIND THE HUGS AND THE PATS--SHOW ME THE MONEY!"


9.   People will forget what you said, they will forget what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel!


WOMS: "ESPECIALLY IF YOU MADE THEM FEEL LIKE "BULL-PUCKEY"!  ME--NOT ONLY WOULD I NOT FORGET HOW THEY MADE ME FEEL, THERE'S NO WAY IN H*** I WOULD  FORGET WHAT THEY SAID OR WHAT THEY DID--THAT'S JUST THE WAY I AM!!


10.  Every day you should reach out and touch someone!


WOMS: "TOO FRIENDLY COULD BE DEADLY--YOU COULD GET THE S*** KICKED OUT OF YOU!"


11.  You can tell a lot about a person by how he/she handles a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights!


WOMS: 
a. "IF YOU FORGOT YOUR UMBRELLA AND GALOSHES--YOU'RE A DUMMY; 


b. IF YOU TEAR YOUR HAIR OUT IN ANGER GOOF-BALL--YOU MIGHT GO BALD;


c. YOU WON'T NEED LIGHTS IF YOU GO GREEN AND SAVE A TREE--YOU COULD ALSO SAVE YOUR SANITY, AND YOUR FAMILY MIGHT EVEN THINK YOU'RE A HERO. DON'T COUNT ON IT THOUGH--IT DIDN'T WORK FOR ME!"


Well--there you have Opal in a nutshell.  I have one more thing that I have learned:


I still have a lot to learn!  Hmmmm, I wonder what Opal might say!






GOD BLESS! SEE YOU NEXT TIME!!






Saturday, January 22, 2011

GRANNY'S WONDERING

1.    WHY....SOME PEOPLE EXAGGERATE THEIR AGE WHEN IT'S INCONVENIENT TO BE THE AGE THEY ARE?


2.    WHY....SOME MEN KEEP REPEATING THE SAME MISTAKES OVER AND OVER AND NEVER GET IT?


3.    WHY....SOME WOMEN KEEP REPEATING THE SAME MISTAKES OVER AND OVER AGAIN  AND GET IT--BUT KEEP DOING IT ANYWAY?


4.    WHY....NARCISSISTS, EGOISTS AND PATHOLOGICAL LIARS DON'T HAVE A 12 STEP-PROGRAM TO ATTEND--OR MAYBE THEY DO BUT ARE TOO SELFISH TO ADMIT THEY HAVE A PROBLEM?


5.    WHY....TECHNOLOGY HASN'T YET FOUND A WAY TO KEEP CONFUSION TO A MINIMUM--ESPECIALLY FOR ELDERS WHO HAVE ENOUGH TROUBLE JUST REMEMBERING THEIR PIN NUMBER AT THE ATM MACHINE?


5.    WHY....TROUBLED OR IMPATIENT PARENTS TEND TO PUNISH THEIR CHILDREN IF THEY REFUSE TO OBEY THE "RULES" OF THE HOUSEHOLD--MAKING THE CHILDREN FEEL  THEY DON'T BELONG AND ARE NOT REALLY PART OF THAT HOUSEHOLD?


6.    WHY....TROUBLED OR REBELLIOUS CHILDREN TEND TO PUNISH THEIR PARENTS FOR NOT BEING "SUPER MAN" OR "WONDER WOMAN" WHEN, BECAUSE THEY ARE HUMAN, MAKE MISTAKES AND TURN OUT TO BE "STUPID MAN" AND "BLUNDER WOMAN?"


7.    WHY....SOME FOLKS THINK THAT THE HOLE IN THE O ZONE LAYER IS GOD'S FAULT RATHER THAN THE FACT THAT WE CONTINUE TO SEND POLLUTANTS, MISSILES AND NUCLEAR WEAPONS INTO THE ATMOSPHERE?


8.    WHY....SOME IMMATURE SOULS FEAR THAT THEIR WELL-BEING MAY SUFFER WHEN THE POOR AND DISABLED IN OUR MIDST ARE GIVEN A HELPING HAND.  WHAT HARM IS THERE IN BEING GIVING, LOVING, CARING AND COMPASSIONATE.  AREN'T THOSE ATTRIBUTES OF OUR HIGHER POWER, AKA--GOD?


9.    WHY...THERE ARE "HATERS" WHO DETEST EVERYTHING THAT, AND ANYONE WHO GOES AGAINST THEIR "GRAIN', OR ANYONE WHO LOOKS FOREIGN TO THEM AND DARES TO BELIEVE DIFFERENTLY?


10.   WHY....THE ABOVE INDIVIDUALS ACT LIKE BARBARIANS WHO SEEMINGLY REFUSE TO OPEN THEIR MINDS.  THEY CONTINUE ON THEIR PATHS OF BIGOTRY, PREJUDICE, DESTRUCTION, DENIAL AND OFTEN DEATH, PLACING BLAME FOR THEIR INFERIOR AND INSECURE FEELINGS ON ANYONE OR ANYTHING THAT GIVES THEM A FEELING OF SUPERIORITY AND POWER.   IN MY HUMBLE OPINION, THESE FOLKS ARE--"STUCK ON STUPID."


I WOULD LIKE TO ASK ONE MORE QUESTION.  WHY....MY MIND KEEPS TELLING ME, "YOU CAN DO IT." BUT, MY BODY SAYS, "OH NO YOU DON'T."?


JUST WONDERING!!


GOD BLESS!  SEE YOU NEXT TIME!!

Friday, January 21, 2011

THERE ARE NO CRACKS IN THE WALLS

EVERYONE GRIEVES THE LOSS OF A LOVED ONE AT SOME TIME IN THEIR LIVES.  AT THE TIME THAT I WROTE THIS I HAD LOST NO ONE BUT I HAD LOST MANY. POETRY TO ME IS A VERY PERSONAL FORM OF COMMUNICATION.  SOMETIMES IT COMES TO ME FROM A DREAM,  THIS ONE SIMPLY CAME TO ME FOR WHATEVER REASON GOD CHOSE TO GIVE IT TO ME--PERHAPS TO SOOTHE SOMEONE ELSE'S LOSS.

A weathered farmhouse is drenched in sunlight.
Drapes are drawn against dazzling brightness.
Darkness and sadness enfold the household inside.
A woman, a small boy, and an old man,
Have lost respectively: a mother, a grandmother, and wife.
The deceased had been ailing for some time.
Her loved ones feel mixed emotions.
Her rightful place now is in the Kingdom of Heaven.
The family wants her to be at peace  and free from pain.
It is the inability to feel her near or know where she is
That leaves them feeling discomfited.
The woman dries her tears and goes about her chores.
The old man and the boy leave the house.
They walk hand in hand, heads hanging down, searching for solace.
They are gone the better part of the afternoon.
Near supper-time they return--the woman is setting the table.
The boy clutches a bunch of wildflowers.  She gives him a bowl.
He sets them in the center of the table in honor.
Heads bow in prayer.  Eyes are drawn like magnets toward the centerpiece.
A shaft of light sparkles upon the kaleidoscope of petals.
The eyes turn in unison to the absent place--her chair is bathed in brilliant light.
The woman, the boy, and the old man look at one another and smile.
Fear and sadness have vanished--for there are no cracks in the walls.

GOD BLESS!  SEE YOU NEXT TIME!!

Thursday, January 20, 2011

LAUGHTER IS GOOD FOR THE SOUL

I believe that God loves laughter and that is why every so often He provides us with lists like the following:


1.   Only borrow money from pessimists--they don't expect it back


2.   47% of all statistics are made up on the spot.


3.   99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.


4.   A conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.


5.   If you want to see a rainbow, you have to put up with the rain.


6.   OOOKAAAY--What's the speed of dark?


7.   How do you know when you've run out of invisible ink?


8.   If everything is going well--you've overlooked something.


9.   Depression is simply anger without enthusiasm.


10. If everything is coming your way--change lanes.


11. I intend to live forever--so far, so good.


12. If Barbie is so popular, why do we have to buy her friends?


13. What happens if you get scared to death--twice?


14. My mechanic couldn't fix my brakes--so I made the horn louder.


15. Why do PSYCHICS have to ask you your name?


16. Experience is something you don't get until after you need it.

17. Hardness of butter is in proportion to softness of the bread.


18. To steal from one is called plagiarism; to steal from many--is research.


19. Eagles soar--but weasels don't get sucked into Jet engines.


20. The problem with the GENE pool? NO LIFEGUARD!!


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL


God Bless! See you next time!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

HARRY'S LAW MADE MY DAY

I want to start this new blog with a real goody. 

I watched the new TV series with Kathy Bates called Harry's Law.  I nearly cried. 

At last someone has seen fit to make a TV series that shows the INJUSTICE  that runs rampant in our country. 

If you haven't seen this show--please do (Monday Nights on NBC) it should lift your spirit--mine is floating all over the place. Perhaps ours will meet out there somewhere.


I salute Mr. David E. Kelly for a great job. Casting Ms. Bates in the lead roll was sheer genious. Please  give us more positive shows like this one.  Some of the cases may have negative connotations, but hopefully the outcomes will be mostly positive.  The world needs hope, and this is a step in the right direction. This is one of Granny's  Goodie's.