Sunday, November 10, 2013

MORE PUNS & FUN STUFF

Puns

QUESTIONS: 


1...What do you get when you eat Christmas decorations?


2...Where does a penguin keep his money?


3...What's the difference between one yard and two yards?

4...Which building has the most stories?


5...What kind of pool can't you swim in?


6...Why did the pony have to stay after school?


ANSWERS:


1...Tinsilitis!


2...In a snowbank!


3...A fence!


4...A library!


5...A car pool!


6...For horsing around!



OTHER FUNNY STUFF


Have you seen the new "God Speaks Billboards?"   They are simple black boards with white text.


God says:


Tell the kids I love them!


Let's meet at my house on Sunday!


C'mon over and bring the kids!


What part of Thou shalt Not...didn't you understand?


We need to talk!


Keep using my name in vain...I'll make rush hour longer!


Loved the wedding...now invite me to the marriage!


That "Love Thy Neighbor" thing...I meant it!


I love you, and you, and you, and....


Will the road you're on get to my place?


Follow me!


Big bang theory?...You've got to be kidding!!!


My way is the highway!


Need directions?


You think it's hot here?


Have you read my #1 best seller? There will be a test!


Do you have any idea where you're going?


(Best one of all.) Don't make me come down there!


This came from my sister Leanne way back in 2002. I was writing a Family Newsletter at the time.



Here is some more funny God stuff sent by Kathleen Cross in 2002. Same Newsletter.


To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces and nephews, or students...here is something to make you chuckle.


Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children. :)


After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve, and...the first thing he said was..."Don't."


"Don't what." Adam replied.


"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.


"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve...we have forbidden fruit!"


"No way!"


"Yes, way!"


"Do NOT eat the fruit!" God said.


"Why?"


"Because I am your Father and I said so." God replied. (Wondering why he hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants).


A few minutes later God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked.


"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God as our first parent asked.


"Uh huh," Adam replied.


"Then why did you?" said the Father.


"I don't know." said Eve.


"She started it!" Adam said.


"Did not!"


"Did too!"


"DID NOT!"


Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.


But there is reassurance in this story.  If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising  children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?


Advice for the day:


If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the  aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children."


A FEW ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS!...


CHILDREN: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.


Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your children.


Mother's of teens know why some animals eat their young.


Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.


The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than yours


We childproofed our home three years ago, but they're still getting in. LOL


Remember, these are jokes. Do not go bonkers on us. (God speaking.) :):):)


GOD BLESS!!  SEE YOU NEXT TIME!!